my 9-year-old cousin came to me for help with her science homework, and i was flabbergasted when i got all the answers wrong.

she asked me what kept penguins warm. so i confidently said, “their fats! it keeps you warm, that’s why they are fat.”
and she said, “no, it’s their feathers”, and i said, “NO, it’s their fats!” wtf? and then she showed me her bloody workbook which says EXACTLY what she said.

ok to be fair they do have feathers on them, but it doesn’t contribute as much right! in fact, according to wiki (I USE ONLY THE CITED SOURCE), one intepretation of “penguin” is that it could be translated from the latin word ‘pinguis‘, which literally means FAT. although, there is the complication that most species of penguins don’t even live in the artic anyways (this is true, i swear), but then the question of warmth perhaps becomes irrelevant.

TELL ME THIS IS NOT A FUCKING FAT PENGUIN LIVING IN THE ARTIC.

point two: then she asked me, and do penguins have wings? and i very confidently said, “no, they have flippers”, and she said, “NO, they have wings!”, and she showed me her guanyin-forsaken workbook again, which said that penguins have WINGS. wtf. wtf?? although after some research i have found that penguins are in fact classified as birds, they don’t fucking fly. DOH. wtf do you need wings for if you hunt in the water??

O.M.G.!!

i think that these days, it’s not that kids are degenerating, it’s that these schoolbook writers are too busy collating their trivial knowledge to even educate themselves. my goodness.