You are currently browsing the monthly archive for November, 2008.
i don’t know what i’ll feel when i see you waiting for me at the airport. we shared a lot of love between us, although i can’t say i gave any more than you did.
then again, maybe you are pranking me so that i’ll be left waiting alone, like how i left you. how childish can a person get, right? i know you are not like that, i know that you are better than me. it’s just funny because i think it will feel as though melbourne never happened, and time had merely stopped.
when he goes back on tomorrow, it’s all over. i’ve said the last phrase so many times i’m not sure if i believe in it anymore.
but i guess when we all return to our old, usual lives, there’s sometimes no room for discrepancies.
life has been a sort of standstill lately. nothing exciting, or heartwrenching, or particularly interesting… just somewhat like the dial tone that doesn’t end but is so piercing to your ears. it’s as though i’m in a show and this is the painful part of it, where i commit social suicides and is playing second fiddle in every situation, the lame duck who makes pointless comments and becomes forgotten, or is only remembered for all the wrong things.
perhaps the saddest part about going home is returning to reality. being in melbourne feels like a dream, where everything is happening yet you don’t feel totally grounded, or as a part of it. it’s like i’m a bystander watching my life roll on without me, and sometimes that is a very comfortable position, or a very awkward one. now that tien chen is no longer waiting for me, it seems as though i have nothing solid to return to. it makes me feel homeless.
it’salloveroveroveroveroveroveroveroveroveroveroveroveroveroveroveroveroveroveroveroveroveroveroveroveroveroverover
…
i spent some time revisiting for closure. i dragged sfee and tristan down to frankston, where we got tanned, and soaked in the chilling water till you no longer felt cold, but instead cold-blooded.
and then we had baskin robbins, while i reminisce the streets where i walked the day after with you and your friends, as though nothing has happened because the world doesn’t change, it is only waiting to end.
i can’t say that i don’t agree with that. of course we’ve witnessed how dubious these online quizzes can be, but here’s a good line: “Could it be you’re afraid to get involved for some reason or another, and are therefore attracted to people who are simply unavailable?”
now that’s another answer to my age-old question.
i am honestly happy that he won. i mean, not that his policies were any better than mccain’s, but after his speech i think everybody was feeling fluffy inside their hearts. and that’s what people with charisma do to you- they make you believe in them. you have to admit how remarkable it is, this scale of change in america.
it’s just too bad for him that he has to pick up the pieces from now on. i think that sometimes, these people who are painted a picture by the media, are taken for granted to be superexcellent and somewhat inhuman. though you probably have to be this way to climb all the way up, and be exceptional.
on another note i’m really touched by how this whole racial issue has turned out. it really does say a lot for someone who could have been (and who could still be) a slave just because of his colour to be leading one of the great powers of the world. because of him every other nation will see america differently, that maybe it is no longer that white supremist state that has gone over their heads and shot themselves in the arse. i hope the racist pigs in australia (you have God to thank that there are some good people left in your country who know better) will learn from this and redeem themselves.
cheer the season of romance, love and sweetness. here’s two together, and another two, and another, and it never ends because you’re consumed with the idea of being single.
it’s been more than two months since what i did, two weeks since i thought i had something new. but in truth i have done nothing and have only air for warmth.
i don’t think i can survive day 3. in my misery i have stuffed myself with calamari fries and a pot of mussels over dinner. it was like a vehement rampage of dissecting those shellfishy things, almost endlessly cutting and throwing cutting and throwing and i just couldn’t stop no matter how my stomach was bloating, because i still felt empty. plus i spent the morning at camberwell clawing through the bargain buys and buying virtually anything half decent, so as to stop wanting and hoping that you will say what i want to hear.
it took a lot of courage for me to cut it off. to realise that you are just not worth the effort and further aching over. i’m probably just saying this for myself the way i had to write you something so that i can tell my sorry ass, no more stupidity. it’s time to move on again.
day 2 of convicting myself.
i am just not going to fall into my own trap.
