“Life and death, energy and peace. If I stop today it was still worth it. Even the terrible mistakes that I made and would have unmade if I could. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul, it was worth it, for having been allowed to walk where I’ve walked, which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, in it, and above.”- Gia Carangi

here was the world’s first supermodel, all feisty and screwed up, much loved and much hated, died of AIDS due to her shooting up heroin. and she would imagine that as a beautiful girl in a beautiful house with the most beautiful hair, one day people will stop using her for themselves and she would run away.

this was her last cover.

so the trouble for us is really to find out what we want more- a life more intriguing or a pretty plain meadow? and after three years in this godforsaken media course, here’s what’s left of me to go through the rest of my days.

so sometimes i would really like to be a dainty little housewife because i’m so tired, but still i would rather not have him say, “let’s save up and one day we’ll have our own place together”, or that he would promise me something nice.

because i’ll end up spending most of my energy thinking about when you are going to fulfill everything you say, and that exhausts us both even more.

i’ve never thought that one day i would be in this position, to have the world to trample on only to taste dust. i’ll always be just a kid since i always feel so grown up.